Other Reasons for Anxiety
Written by Kate Allen • February 18, 2022 •
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Do you feel anxious a lot? I do. I have used food, booze, and screen time to help me not be present so I didn’t have to sit with my anxiety. But today, after breakfast, as I started to go down a rabbit hole of too much screen time doing some of my favorite games, I could feel my anxiety explode. So I put my phone down and examined what what was happening.
What was happening?
I was on my phone even though I had plans to write a blog today. I clearly wasn’t in integrity with my careful plans for how I spend my day. And a bigger part of me than my primitive, screen time loving brain was alerting to me the wrongness of it.
I had a choice to pivot in that moment away from the screen and into integrity with my better choices and plans or to turn back to my screen and hope the dopamine from winning at the game would quiet my soul (and not in a good way).
I chose to pivot. But that anxiety needed a physical release. I couldn’t just feel all those feelings and experience the hormonal changes from the anxiety while sitting at my desk and writing a blog. That didn’t feel loving or useful.
So instead I took a shower and calmed myself down and got very present. And while in the shower, with the water flowing, idea after idea for blogs popped into my head. It was only then that I could write this blog.
Here, this blog, is the result of that pivot and listening to my creativity come along because I was present. Because the shower is magic, is it not?
As for you, there are many reasons that could be at the root of why you are feeling anxious. Certainly, an anxiety disorder tops the list and I’m not trying to dismiss that reality. (There are many in my father’s family who suffer from anxiety so I know it’s something that can be passed on through DNA or culture). But for those of us who fall short of anxiety disorders, acting out of integrity is one of the main reasons I find that give rise to my anxiety. (Trying to control what’s not in my control is one of the other main reasons).
I’m still processing the after effect of the anxiety but I’m no longer feeling anxious. Instead, I feel a sense of peace at pivoting mid-screen session and instead honored my careful planning.
As Don Miguel Ruiz said in the Four Agreements, Be Impeccable With Your Word.
For me, living in integrity is The Way.
How about for you?