Kate Allen

Nothing You Do Will Fill The Empty Hole in Your Heart

Written by Kate • May 12, 2020 •
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I, like most other people, search here and there, near and far for something, ANYTHING to fill that hole in my heart. You may not yet be acquainted with that hole but it’s there. It’s the one that tells you need to be richer, thinner, more successful, striving, in a relationship, married, divorced, a parent, highly educated, or anything other thing that will make you better, make you different than you are now.

But all of that is a lie. The hole in your heart will not ever be filled by anything you do to fill it. And that’s why you’re over drinking, over eating, over spending, or on social media too much, doing anything that gives you some relief from that message that you’re not enough right now, as you are.

You are all you’ll ever be and and anything you’ve ever wanted to be is already inside of you. Now is the time to stop trying to fix yourself. There is nothing you have to “DO”. Instead, it’s time to be. Be yourself. Be present.

Be aware of the hole in your heart that is yours to heal through simple awareness of it and presence.

Be. Here. Now. There is no future that will heal you and no past that wounds you. Just timeless presence to what is right now.

Practice that for long enough and all the thoughts you have about being better and the utter suffering that arises from that will simply vanish. It will be replaced by boundless joy for longer and longer moments.

Stop doing. Start being.

Drinking Booze and a Connection to the Divine #Coronavirus Thoughts

Written by Kate • April 24, 2020 •
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Earlier this year, from Dec 29 (of last year) to Feb 22nd, I gave up alcohol for a month.

I wasn’t a heavy drinker but I was drinking a minimum of 5 days a week and often 7 days a week. Mostly wine because the hard stuff is too strong for me but drank fruity drinks like cosmos or capiroskas. I spent two months in late 2019 in France so I had a lot of new wine to sample and it was simply delish. Their chenin blancs- wow. And the price! But I digress.

I gave it up for a month because I knew I needed to. I know drinking that much isn’t good for anyone, no matter how much people spin the resveratrol and all the hype.

And it was amazing. I learned so much about my habits about booze – when I’m out eating, have a drink! When I’m socializing, have a drink! When I’m feeling frazzled, have a drink!

But once I gave it up, I faced my habits and I had to feel my feelings rather than have a drink to take the edge off. Mind blowingly awesome to have given myself this experience. I also wasn’t as dehydrated as I had been. I slept better. My hormones felt more settled and I was happier.

But the biggest boost from this time is the absolutely huge amount of creativity that stirred in me and started to flow through me. I had so many ideas and new thoughts and my connection to the Divine, to Source, to God just lit up. My morning visualizations were turbo charged and my connection fairly sizzled throughout my abstinence. Wow, what a launch to the year.

And then in late February after some 6 or so weeks, I decided to have a drink again while I was out waiting for the kids to finish their yoga class. And then just boom, I was drinking again and by mid March, with the coronavirus/COVID-19 lockdown, I was drinking most days again.

My connection to the Divine was strained. My morning visualizations just fizzled. I felt so blocked and I haven’t blogged in a few weeks because I no longer felt any creativity. The connection felt muffled and I could simply not get through.

It took me a while to make the connection but I realized that the only real difference between January and now was the booze. I asked a friend of mine, a really gifted intuitive energy healer- Scott Clover– and he confirmed the reality for him too that drinking alcohol definitely affects his connection for the worse.

And so I’ve given it up again. This time it’s not for a certain length of time although I’ve made the commitment to check in again with me to redecide on 1 July.

I feel so much better. First, I’ve lost some weight I gained in the last month. I’m again less dehydrated. I sleep better. I have the time and more energy to do other things. And my connection is getting super charged again and I’m getting so many creative ideas again. I’m feeling super grateful.

One thing I noticed about drinking is that at a certain point, your time and energy is about drinking, making sure that you have the space and the time to drink. But once you don’t put any energy into drinking, there is so much more to do and so much energy to do it with.

I highly recommend trying it. See what’s under the covers of your life, without the blanket that is your mind on booze.

Lessons from the Lockdown- Coronavirus

Written by Kate • April 9, 2020 •
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Life has slowed waaaaaaaay down since we first went into lockdown, about 4 weeks ago. At first it was disorienting, not going about my normal routine. No rushing about to take the kids to the park. No yelling. No more willpower to get the kids dressed and out the door. No more scheduling hassles. No more rushing about to visit my ill Dad. No more potential school visits. No doctor visits. Essentially no more rushing.

The first thing I noticed about this new normal is that I had time to plan and make dinner every night. I could defrost the meat or adapt the meal plan so that I could use up leftovers. No more eating out because I didn’t have time to prepare a meal. That was incredibly nice and feels like a healthy change.

I also dropped the stress of rushing about, making sure I met all our obligations in terms of visiting and getting out and checking all the boxes for the kids (sunshine- check, playgrounds and appropriate sensory inputs to help with their motor development – check, going to playgrounds so the kids could hang out with other kids- check).

That felt good, to drop that stress. Of course, I picked up a different kind of stress around running my business – will this change affect my clients? will it affect my partner’s business? what about all my people? what about the world? But I remembered what is in my control and and what isn’t and I remembered to breathe and let go of trying to control the world. Ahhh, better.

And now, my world is starting to really slow down. I’m putting my phone down. I’m just being. I’m logging on less. I don’t want to connect so much in impersonal ways. I’m reaching out to friends because I have the TIME, which I already had, but I chose to spend it rushing about, stressing about getting it all done.

In Martha Beck‘s great book, Finding Your Way in a Wild New World, she talks about dropping into Wordlessness. Not dreaming about the future or remembering the past. Just being here, without thinking, feeling something that approaches joy.

And with Kyle Cease‘s book, The Illusion of Money: Why Chasing Money is Stopping You From Receiving It, it’s clear to me now just how much I was doing out of a sense of obligation, from a place where I was going through life doing certain things because it’s what I should be doing. How I was pushing myself from the outside in rather than feeling my way through actually living from a place of joy.

I know people are suffering during this time, from the isolation, loss of income, illness and death. This is true. What is also true is that we can also find the unexpected gifts in such crises. I’m choosing to find the lessons, the places where I can grow from the unexpected, from the pain.

I’ve slowed waaaaaaaay down. And I’m loving it.

A Few Ways to Make Self Isolation Work For You- Being At Home During the Coronavirus COVID-19

Written by Kate • March 24, 2020 •
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After a week of two of freaking out and moving from that to acceptance, I think a healthy next step is to look at what good can come of being isolated and at home. I know that for some this means a total loss of income and for other this means a total loss of cherished routines, connection, space from children and partners, and so much more. Yes, there is often much loss going on right now. But there can and should be some good things that can come from this.

I think you can look at the next 30 days (Virginia just implemented a 30 day lock down so I’m going to use that as an example). I’ve personally be social distancing for nearly two weeks already so this will be about 7 weeks of social distancing. Gulp.

#1 – Stop feeding your mind with scenarios of doom, virus statistics, and negative input without also consciously feeding it an equal amount of uplifting and positive input to help you maintain your mental health.

Of course you’re going to want to stay connected to what’s going on. But if you spend an hour on FB or Insta and an hour researching the daily statistics, then you’ll also need to spend two hours on positive input. That’s four hours a day which is nearly impossible so cut out the time you’re spending researching the doom and gloom and on social media. Instead, cut it down to one hour and then spend one hour a day on the positive angle. I suggest spending a half hour a day listening to Brooke Castillo’s podcasts where she’s helping put what’s happening into perspective through describing what the brain does in times of danger and stress and ways to reframe the problem. Highly recommend! Then find another 30 minutes of uplifting content, from Marie Forleo to Martha Beck to sitting in meditation and quieting your mind.

You can also plug into the Mystery and the Divine for 30 minutes or longer using the techniques I wrote about in this post. All of it will help your mind from going all flight or fight on you.

#2 – Set up a goal for the next 30 days that you want to accomplish.

For me, I’ve decided that because I can no longer head out and do my daily yoga, I will use this next 30 days to build up my home practice.

I’ll be honest in that, although I’ve spent years practicing yoga, I don’t actually have any of the pose sequences memorized. I just rely on my teachers to guide me and keep me moving. But now, I’m going to learn a 90 minute sequence by heart so that I can have the sequences memorized when I return to group classes when this ends. I’ll start with surya namaskara A, then B, then C (the sun salutations), then some balancing poses, some stretching poses and end with shivasana.

I love balancing half moon and wounded deer poses so I’ll be sure those and some of my faves and my least faves are included.

I have some old injuries and I’m going to add in some strengthening routines so I can strengthen and stretch my core muscles, including my core, my psoas, my hip flexors. A recent visit to a physical therapist revealed that I haven’t been engaging my transverse abdonminis muscle (TVA) so I’m going to slow down with my yoga and exercise routines to ensure I’m engaging my TVA.

I’m also going to prioritize ensuring healthy eating habits because I know that I have a tendency to eat out of stress and boredom. So even if I don’t lose any weight over the next month, I can at least not gain weight.

#3- Notice What Habits and Mindsets You Have That No Longer Serve You

So I’ve begun to dig into the positives that can be revealed by this time of slowing down. I see how much I’ve rushed around in my life trying to get the kids here, this shopping done there, and meet self-imposed deadlines. And none of it was required. I see that even when this is over I can slow down and let some of the busy-ness go.

What have you noticed about your life that you can see changing?

Yes, this quarantine can have some positive outcomes too, (besides the health one).

Hugs to us all.

Coronavirus and Meditation- keep meditating

Written by Kate • March 13, 2020 •
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Keep up with your meditation practice, especially now. And it is a perfect time to re/start one if you haven’t sat in meditation recently.

Last night I spent a full hour on Facebook, researching the coronavirus, looking at projections and trying to find data on the US infection rate and projections, where I could. An hour.

This morning I woke up and was immediately seized with the obsession to get on social media or my phone to find out what’s changed in the last 8 hours. I thought, “there’s no way I can meditate this morning”. My mind feels like a barrel of monkeys, rather than my normal monkey mind thinking about all that there is to do.

I then realized this is the perfect time to meditate and ground myself. This is exactly the moment to meditate. My mind is trying to spiral out of control in fear, obsession, and worry over things I can’t control.

And so I sat. At first I thought of the R0 figures- what is the R0 of the flu versus Covid-19, the mortality of Covid-19 in Italy and South Korea, and in China. Round and round my mind went until I caught myself not being present. I have long since dropped any shame or surprise at how my mind can get trapped in recursive thinking. I just noticed that I was no longer present and centered myself again.

As I mentioned in this post the other day, there are many techniques to center yourself. I prefer this one. I close my eyes. I then focus with my mind’s eye on my third eye (the space between my eyes, a few inches back) and turn my actual, real eyes up to the third eye (eyes closed). I think feel for my dantian and I’m immediately grounded.

I sat for 57 minutes today. Not my longest by about 15 minutes but I was able to stay for 57 minutes.

Now, after the session, I can still feel how grounding my session was. My obsession to get on my phone has passed and I’m writing this blog now. My stress and compulsions seem to have evaporated.

Don’t panic. Don’t stress. Don’t fear. Instead sit in meditation. Get grounded. Do what you can to plan for a quarantine. Act on what you can control. And then let the rest go.