Kate Allen

Stop Believing Your Thoughts. Your Brain Lies.

Written by Kate • May 14, 2020 •
1 comment

Although I know this, I keep having to learn it. Yesterday was an interesting day, full of lessons I’ve already learned but get to keep learning in new contexts. Yeah! (Not!)

What Are Your Old, Familiar Thought Loops?

I have young kids and they don’t seem to want to clean up after themselves. Their toys are everywhere. The spilled juice spots are multiplying every day, like rabbits. Their kitchen table chairs are stained. I’m noticing all of that and then my brain appears to be saying, oh, we’re doing that? Cataloguing all the things that need to be “fixed”? “Addressed?” “Done?” It says, great, I’m in! Let’s do this! We’re so good at it!

These thoughts started to swirl, coming up faster and faster: I have to mow. I have to do my yoga. I have to relax. The kids need attention. When will I have time to prepare dinner? You know, it’s been a long time since you changed their sheets. Their bathroom sink is a mess. When will you have time to run to Costco? Have you called (my) Dad recently? You need to tweet more! What else did we plan to do today? Will it get done today? And on and on and on.

Next thing I know, my stomach is clenching up, my shoulders are hunched, and I’m “checking” FB for an hour, and I’m resisting urges to have a glass of wine at 4pm or snack just before dinner. Now my plan for the day is definitely blown because at no point did I budget an hour for random FaceBook mindlessness.

What Have You Made These Thoughts Loops Mean and What Are Your Resulting Feelings?

As soon as I muster enough consciousness to put the phone down and become aware of my thoughts, I spiral into overwhelm and despair and old familiar thoughts like, “see, I told you you can’t get it all done.” “There’s too much to do and you’ll never get it all done.” “just stop trying”.

Become Aware of the Thoughts and Detach From Them

But with lots of practice, I know what to say. First, I feel compassion for this part of my brain and I send love and compassion to it. No more hating on any aspect of me. No more derision. Just love.

So I notice the thoughts and I notice myself starting to believe the old familiar thought loops and now I just say, “No”. “That’s not true and it’s never been true”. I treat it like a child and say, “we can think better thoughts”. “Let’s stop with old familiar thought loops WHICH HAVE NEVER HELPED EVER”.

And honestly, I feel like my brain (like toddlers) gave me a sly smile and it felt something like relief for my brain to know that I’m charge and I won’t let this thought loop continue any longer.

Find the Thoughts’ Opposite and Try Those Thoughts On

Because I know about the mind and how it is constantly seeking evidence to support our belief systems, once I’m aware of my thoughts, I like to try a version of the Turnaround, from Byron Katie’s The Work.

I take a thought and come up with its opposite. For example, “there’s so much work to be done, I’ll never get it all done”. The opposite of that for me is “I can get everything done that needs to get done so long as I keep at it, slow and steady. Not everything needs to get done right now.” And I start to think of all the things I have gotten done and I find evidence to support this opposite thought. I think how I’ve accomplished so many tasks that I’ve wanted to and itemize all that I’ve done: kept meditating for over an hour daily for the past 3+months, added in mowing to my schedule, keeping up with my yoga, listening to the podcasts that support me, and on an on with evidence to support this opposite thought.

And I find the opposite thought and evidence to support the opposite thought for several of the other thoughts, as necessary. And I remind myself that I don’t need to believe my thoughts. Or even continue to follow my thought loops and whirlwinds, while the mind just keeps chattering away at me like my 5 year old. On and on with the stories. And not much of it is true. Or important. My brain and my 5 year old just want to keep talking to me.

Detaching From Your Thoughts Shows You Their Powerlessness

As I continue to detach from my thoughts, like Eckhart Tolle exerts us to, I again become aware of just how unimportant my thoughts are. How inaccurate. How repetitive. How unnecessary so many of them are. And I just drop my need to follow them and I focus on doing what’s before me, the laundry, the mowing, cleaning up the spills, the writing.

In Comes Presence

And when I move my focus from my thoughts to the task at end, a joy steals in to my body and I no longer am thinking about a past that’s gone and a pretend future that will never make me happy in the present. I’m just here. And I drop the story and rest in the task.

So much joy here in this moment.

Upgrading Your Mental Model – using Brooke Castillo’s The Model

Written by Kate • May 7, 2020 •
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Of the many things I’m grateful for from listening to Brooke Castillo’s work is her effective and concise distillation of the various approaches to upgrading our thoughts and our beliefs into what she calls the Model.

She’s taken Pema Chodron’s, Eckhart Tolle’s, Byron Katie‘s, Mike Dooley‘s, and Abraham‘s work and created a model that I find incredibly a helpful and illuminating method to unearth one’s thoughts and beliefs.

As you may know, there is a vast subconscious part of your brain that is constantly filling in missing details to make a coherent story out your reality, including helping you ignore facts and data that are in conflict with your current belief system and thoughts.

Your brain is constantly trying to optimize its processes to make much of your daily routine so efficient that you do much of it without conscious thought. Take, for instance, brushing your teeth. Or driving to work. How often do brush your teeth consciously, without dropping into future or past focused thoughts? Do you stand there, two times a day, and think about exactly which tooth you’re brushing and then carefully go on to the next tooth? Or do you, in fact, brush your teeth while your mind wanders to the future or the past, only to come back to the task at the end to make sure you’ve (probably) gotten all your teeth and to rinse and end the session?

And how often are you driving to work without your mind dropping into future or past focused thoughts? Likely not often, except in instances that require you to be fully present, like unusually high traffic, noticing a police car, etc.

This is by design. Your brain is optimizing all of your routine tasks so that it runs on autopilot, allowing your brain to both spend the least amount of energy and so that you don’t expend your finite amounts of focus and willpower on routines that don’t require focus and willpower.

Further, the brain can’t focus on everything so there is a process in your brain that constrains all the input from your ears, eyes, and other senses that allow for it to filter out data that isn’t required and to stop the data from becoming something you’re consciously aware of. Think of your (now subconscious) beliefs and thoughts as gateways to your conscious brain and almost anything that doesn’t fit into your beliefs and thoughts are not allowed access to your conscious thoughts.

So you must choose beliefs and thoughts that serve you. Are your thoughts and beliefs the best ones you can choose? If there are some, or many, that can be improved to help you live a happier and more joyful life, one that feels more authentic and purposeful, the Model is a great tool to help you unearth your current thinking and instead change your thoughts to those that serve you better.

A quick note, Brooke Castillo has stated that the Model‘s precepts are like gravity- no one invented gravity or can patent it, it’s just the way things work. And her Model is one way of explaining how the brain works. So she encourages wide dissemination and usage of it. We all have full permission to use it.

The Model

The Model is as follows: there is a circumstance in your life that is entirely neutral. It is. You have loads of money. Or you have loads of debt. You weigh more than you’d like. Or your maintaining your goal weight easily and effortlessly. Trump is President. There is a pandemic. On and on with current reality. It just is.

However, what you think about that circumstance is totally up to you and your thoughts drive your feelings when you think that thought, your actions are based on those feelings, and the results are derived from your actions.

Here’s the not surprising ending: your thoughts about a circumstance drive your feelings and subsequent actions and usually gets results that reinforce the thoughts about the circumstance- so your results almost always remain constant and are the same.

The Model is written as follows:

Circumstance (C): neutral facts that can be verified

Thoughts (T): your thoughts about the C

Feelings (F): the feelings that come up based on your T

Actions (A): the actions that you take from the F based on the T

Results (R): what happens after the action taken

An Example of the Model:

Because weight loss is easy to model and so many people invest massive amounts of thought, will, time, money and energy into losing weight, it’s a good example.

Unintentional Thoughts about Weight Loss Model:

C: I’ve never been able to sustain my weight loss for more than a few months.

Note: this is a fact. Thoughts such as “weight loss is hard for me” or “I should weight 135 lbs” or “I want to weigh 135 lbs” or “I’m not good at losing weight” are not circumstances and possibly aren’t true. Certainly they are not neutral facts. All of those are thoughts. And any judgements about this circumstance is a thought.

T: I’ve never been able to lose weight easily. Weight loss is really hard for me and I’m not sure I can do it.

Note: This is what may come up for you when you take the neutral circumstance. There may be many thoughts that you’ll want to model in order to upgrade and change them.

F: Anger. Blame (on your parents, your genes, your past). Victimization. Blame. Lack of control, of pleasure. Deprivation.

Note: The thought that” losing weight is hard for you” doesn’t serve you and instead drives a lot of disempowering feelings. I can see no empowering feelings flowing from a thought that weight loss is hard.

A: Trying a new diet and cheating on it. Cheating on the new plan and then quitting the plan. Changing to a new plan. Not planning on all.

Note: the actions the flow from disempowering thoughts and feeling are going to keep you stuck and, in fact, continue to reinforce the thought that weight loss is hard.

R: Weight loss either doesn’t happen or isn’t sustained (reinforcing the thought and the associated belief)

Intentional Thoughts about Weight Loss Model:

C: I’ve never been able to sustain my weight loss for more than a few months.

Note: The circumstance shouldn’t change. You’re not trying to change the circumstances to suit your thoughts. You’re trying to change your thoughts about the circumstances to better thoughts. Trying to change your circumstances helps you avoid your disempowering thoughts, which lead to continued disempowering feelings, actions, and suboptimal results.

T: What’s happened in that past has no bearing on my ability to lose weight.

OR I’ve never understood what’s driving my self-sabotage and now I do/will.

OR I’m absolutely committed to losing weight. I will not quit on myself.

OR I now trust myself to follow my new plan.

Note: Any of these thoughts are better and lead to much more empowered feelings and actions. You do have to believe these new thoughts, which may take some work and additional thought modeling before you can truly believe them. It’s ok. You have the time and there is no rush to live your best life. The process is the point.

F: Powerful. Committed. Loving. Resilient. Responsible. Focused (Etc). Willing to fail and keep to the plan.

Note: These feelings help you take feel good and take action from a much better place. These feelings don’t drive actions that keep the status quo.

A: Quit dieting and commit to a new way of eating. Take stock of current eating without judgement. Stumble through a cheat and immediately recommit. Try a new supportive podcast to keep me motivated. Create a plan for eating that is achievable from where I am now. Continue examining my thoughts and beliefs.

Note: With actions stemming from powerful feelings, you can continue to reach for better feeling thoughts that keep driving better actions and results. Follow your thoughts and keep doing the model!

R: A more permanent change about examining my thoughts. A better outlook. Better feelings and likely -weight loss.

The Key Is to Manage Your Thoughts

The truth is that the mind likes routine, no matter the routine. It take some planning, new thought, and commitment to surmount the mind’s preference for an old routine. But once the new, more supportive routine has been practiced enough times, then the mind is fine with that new routine being the new normal. It’s a bit tricky, but you can change your thinking and change your life.

Practice and Write It Down

I suggest practicing with the Model on a daily basis for 30 days, minimum, or habitually for the rest of your life as you’ll continue to uncover thoughts that don’t serve you. You can first write down your current thoughts in a stream of consciousness way in a journal. Then choose any of them that speak to you and do the Model on that thought.

It’s important to write it down so that it’s there in black and white and that your brain doesn’t trip you up with vague or sloppy thinking. Which it so wants to do to keep you from changing the current routine. Your brain is looking at your life and saying, “you’re not dead or in danger so that is working. Don’t change it. You may be miserable and unhappy but you’re not dead.” So it’s happy to keep tricking you. Writing it down helps your conscious mind see the truth.

This is a simple, quick overview and I hope it helps. I love it and use it daily myself.